Third culture kids among us
Diverse and Equal
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Third culture kids among us
JANUSZ SPRINGER MD
Division of Preventive Medicine
MUG Publishing Office
When meeting a new person, “where are you from?” is one of the most common questions we ask (or hear). We are used to answering it briefly, almost automatically. However, there are people who do not have a simple answer to this question. They are the so-called third culture kids (TCKs), people who were raised in a different country and culture than their parents. The term “first culture” refers to the culture of the country from which the parents come from, whereas the “second culture” is the one in which the TCK grew up in. Finally, “third culture” is the unique blend of cultural connections and experiences that the TCK has gained.
The term “third culture kid” sounds a bit odd, however it certainly is not new. It was first introduced in the 1960’s by sociologists Ruth and John Useem, who conducted observational studies of American families who moved to India due to their occupation or religious mission. The researchers noticed that children who were growing up abroad behaved and communicated differently to the point of creating a new cultural group.
TKCs are usually exposed to more cultural influences than those who grow up in a single cultural setting. While cultural awareness and sensitivity training is increasingly more common in the workplace, many TCKs agree that they already had the most intense cultural sensitivity training of all: the real life. Besides new culture, TCKs are often exposed to and learn new languages. Such life experience leads many TCKs to grow up into adults who have a wider perspective on nearly every issue, who can adapt in a variety of social situations, are used to thinking “outside the box,” appreciate different points of view and can negotiate. In other words: TCKs are the perfect candidate for many jobs. In his book “Third Culture Kids: Growing up Among Worlds” sociologist David Pollock wrote that a third culture kid frequently builds relationships to all of the cultures, while not having full ownership in any. In other words, many TCKs feel that they live between cultures. The TCK’s ability to adapt to new cultures and environments is an advantage that might even cause envy, however what is less obvious is that such person cannot simply go back to where s/he came from.
Since the original studies by R. & J. Useem were published, the term TCK has been expanded to include the children of refugees. In 1984, researcher Norma McCaig introduced the term global nomad, which is now used interchangeably to describe adult TCK. It turns out that TCKs are not merely a theoretical concept discussed by sociologists but they are real people among us in the MUG community. We asked them the same 5 questions and several of them agreed to share their thoughts and experiences.
- How do you answer the question “where are you from?”?
- Do you experience the joy of going home (or being at home) in more than one place in the world?
- Is “home” a place on the map or in the soul?
- Which culture do you identify with the most?
- Are you familiar with the terms “third culture kid” and “global nomad”? Are you aware that you are one of them?
Comments
Cristina Sidi Ponda, MD
Alumna – class of 2014
p<>.“Where are you from?” is a very common question. I typically answer it by saying that my mum was Italian, dad Kenyan and I grew up in the United Kingdom. Growing up in 3 countries is an experience that definitely made me richer. However, there is a price to pay: losing friends and activities as you keep changing your location. Travelling at times becomes a nightmare. You are living a life that is a bit fragmented, a discontinuity.
You are always trying to fit in when in fact you never do. People consider you as „the foreigner” and you keep hearing the same questions e.g. „where are you from?” or „why are you different?” So, you never truly fit in, which is probably why at times I felt that, not only due to the different cultures I grew up in, but also because I do look different. For example, in Kenya people see me as foreign because I am not dark enough, while in Italy or in the UK I am seen as foreign because obviously I haven’t got white skin. So, it is quite difficult to fit in, both due to culture and due to looks. You end up looking for people who are sort of similar to you. To be honest, I don’t really suffer that much from this, besides the times when I receive some racist comments.
Marlon Souza Luis, MD
Alumnus – class of 2022
I generally ask the person if they want the long answer or the short one. Inevitably it tends to be the former: I was born in Dubai, but my parents are from India, specifically the part of India that was a Portuguese colony – Goa, so I do have some Portuguese blood somewhere. My family moved to Canada, so that’s where I’ve spent most of my life, and then moved to Poland to study medicine. The short answer: Canada.
Just for the fun of it, I usually ask people where they think I’m from and I have gotten a large mix of responses. I have a set of answers to question about where my home is. Goa is a type of home for me, it’s where most of my closer extended family lives. Canada feels like more of a home for me as my oldest friendships still reside there. Poland is a home where I can always travel to to get closer to my family-in-laws, they’ve made it a place where I’m always appreciated and loved. The UK, where I live now is a relatively new home for me that I’m still trying to adapt to. I think I’m mostly Canadian. A caveat to that: if I’m in Canada, then I would say that I’m Goan. Having grown up and lived in 4 countries means that I tend to draw a little bit of each into my identity. In Toronto, people tend to accept that you are from other places in the world, but the question “where are you from?” still arises, so you still feel a bit of the disconnect.
Fabian Pietraniuk
ED student
Being born in Starogard Gdański, living for the first four years of my life in a small town called Czersk, to move to Cork (the second largest city and largest county in Ireland) was a big step and lifestyle change for a little four-year-old, like me. That experience made me realise that third culture kids, such as me, have to mature a lot quicker when we move abroad, than if we had stayed in our birth countries. As we don’t just need to adapt ourselves to the new surroundings/cultures, but we have to help our parents adapt too. For many years after moving to Ireland I was my parents’ translator, helping them in sorting out documents, going to appointments with them until they finally felt comfortable with the English language. But in order to do that, I had to mature, gain confidence and independence, which are characteristics that you wouldn’t normally develop until the early teenage years. At times I felt this was unfair. I wanted a care-free childhood with priorities such as playing video games and playing outside, not going to appointments or helping translate forms. However, when I look back at it now, I am immensely grateful to my parents (and the experiences in Ireland) for teaching me these adult life lessons as a kid. I developed excellent communication and negotiation skills, the ability to adapt to new situations quickly and with confidence, which are now helping me during my studies and hopefully will aid me in my future career.
I will always say my home is in Ireland, where I grew up, had my first love, my first heartbreak, where I had my first job, all the key life experiences. Then when it comes to cultural traditions, I associate myself more with the Polish culture. Part of me would agree that “home” is in the soul as in anywhere in the world where you are surrounded by family and friends and people you care about.
Aleksandra Oppmann
ED student
Growing up in the U.S. the spelling of my name (ks instead of x) was a giveaway that I was an “other” in the American society. Previously I used to answer, “that’s a complex question”, and I would give a brief explanation that I was born in California but my parents are Polish and I was heavily raised in a Polish household. I thought a lot about this question because I was rather torn as to who I identified as. I was surrounded in daily life by English-speaking friends, American football games, vacations in Disneyland and an extremely stereotypical American lifestyle. But the moment I stepped into my family home it felt like I was in a world of my own: I spoke a different language, I practiced different traditions, I ate different foods and on the weekends, I went to extra classes with a community of kids like me where I learned about my family’s heritage and language. Despite having Polish citizenship, I had only visited Poland once before coming to GUMed, but I felt so intrinsically tied to this country because my parents had dedicated a lot of time, effort, and money to make sure I had grown up learning about where they were from. Nowadays I feel comfortable saying I’m Polish-American as I truly feel this dual identity.
I think home is found in people. Having lived in several different places outside of my family home (due to my previous studies) I have had to learn to dissociate a specific place on a map as “home.” Finding people who show me love, support me and bring the warmth and comfort associated with “home” has been much more emotionally fulfilling.
I culturally identify with being both American and Polish. I don’t think it is fair for me to have to “choose one,” just as it is not fair to ask a parent to choose their favorite child. Despite being completely different, both cultures have had an impact on my personality and have allowed me to become a person who is open-minded, diverse in perspectives and has an empathetic understanding of the nuance of a cultural identity.
Vyom Dixit
ED student
My documents and the reality of where I am from are completely different. I was born and raised in South Africa and have a South African ID but I am an Indian National despite having only visited there only a few times in my life. My answer to the question about where I come from often changes depending on where I am. In Poland, I often say I’m South African because that’s where I feel like my home is. Despite having spent my whole life in South Africa, I do not share its culture, history, struggles and joys fully, so to South Africans I am from India. More recently I’ve started telling people I’m Afro-Eurasian because in some ways Poland has also started to feel like a place I belong.
Race is such a big topic in South Africa, so whenever we had conversations about it at school, my experiences were partially dismissed because I was considered a „foreigner” or „an Indian from India,” not like the „local Indians” who have a 150 years-long history in that country. Often teachers insisted that I speak about “the immigrant struggle,” despite being a local my whole life.
There isn’t a single culture with which I identify with most, which is why I guess I often feel “forever foreign” to everyone. Culture is the ideas, language, beliefs, customs and the way of life for a group of people. For me this relates on multiple levels. I believe there are global cultures, things that connect millions of people around the world no matter where you travel. I believe there is a societal culture, which growing up in South Africa but being raised by Indian immigrant parents has strongly enriched me. But also, personal culture, who you are as a person within the structure of your family and friends and what languages and history and stories you bring to the table.
In some ways I find relief in labelling my experience as a third culture kid, despite the many boxes we’re already put in by the society. I can think of so many disadvantages of the TCK life before I can think of the good it has done for me. There’s a lot that TCKs have to sacrifice, so I would say that at the end of the day, we deserve some good.
Irene Kotwa
ED student
When I was younger and people asked me where do I come from, I would answer this question by saying I am from Argentina. This reply became a reflex, but I didn’t fully consider myself Argentine because I had been removed from that culture for a while. Since then, I simply state I am from Canada because this is where I grew up and the basis of most of my memories. I can relate to being Canadian. This answer usually seems to satisfy people, though sometimes they will investigate further by asking the famous question “where are you really from?”
Being at our home in Canada brings a type of joy associated with feeling safe and comfortable. Visiting family abroad is also a great experience due to the complete immersion in the cultures. In another way, I also experience a sense of home in Gdańsk because after coming here at 18 years old, this is where I finished growing up and made a home for myself. Growing up around many cultures undoubtedly made it easier to find a home wherever I go, and in fact I look forward to being somewhere new.
It is not possible for me to pick one culture. Although my parents exposed me to both of their cultures (Polish and Peruvian) as a child, I have never fit in completely with either one. The biggest challenge for me was figuring out how to be Canadian, while living in a home that was quite different from the typical Canadian household. We had a different sense of humour, different cuisines, different ways of bonding as a family, different traditions. Nonetheless, I feel fulfilled knowing I belong to a mixture of cultures and have a unique outlook on life and way of being. I can certainly relate to the idea that TCKs create their own culture in a way, instead of feeling like you belong everywhere and nowhere simultaneously.
Nadja Khudhair Möller
ED student
When people ask me “where do you come from?”, sometimes I tell them my ethnicities: half Iraqi, half Swedish. But when I don’t feel like elaborating, I just say I’m from Iraq, as I look more Iraqi than Swedish. This answer usually prevents additional questions. Since I have been moving around a lot throughout my life, I have gained the flexibility of making myself at home pretty much anywhere, That being said, I probably don’t experience the feeling of „being home” in the way most people do. For instance, if I say “I’m going home,” it means I am going to the country where my parents and siblings are currently living. I don’t experience “home sickness” in the sense of missing a certain country or city. “Home” is a place in the soul, my family is home to me. I don’t identify with any specific culture. I just pick up bits everywhere I go. I “understand” several cultures and can interact with its people without socio-cultural barriers. Yes, I know that I am one of those global nomads.
As a Muslim growing up in a Catholic environment, Islam plays an intellectual and philosophical role in my life, where there is a distinction between “culture” and “religion”. Celebrating Christmas with my friends and Christian family members, for instance, is the cultural aspect. On the other hand, wearing the headscarf, praying, and fasting during Ramadan is the religious aspect in my life. Simply put, culture is formed by rituals/habits/celebrations shared with the community I grew up with, while my religion forms the personal aspect of my life. Attending Catholic schools didn’t feel strange or alienating to me. One factor being that both religions are Abrahamic and consequently have a lot in common: the main ideologies are the same and the most important figures in Christianity are also very important figures in Islam and are mentioned in the Quran on multiple occasions. Mary (whom I was named after, my complete first name being ‘Nadja Maria’) even has an entire chapter dedicated to her.